Again

Lets face it I'm in love again
But actually this isn't an again
You were always here for me
And my crush on you was always there
No matter how much I denied it
You always managed to reappear
Lets face it people I'm in love
She never failed or bailed out
Just awaiting my OK
Just keeping me on track
My destiny is to stay lost
Lost with you
Lost in you

Time Justice Trust

Three is a magical number
Three is the number of my faith
Not the catholic three
My own three
Time Justice Trust
Justice Trust Time
Trust Justice Time
These are my three
Time will heal everything
Justice is the way to heal
Trust is the potion to heal
All I need is to heal
Heal from this illness
Heal from this addiction
Heal from the blasphemy
The blasphemy of feelings
I have one God
And it's name isn't Yahveh
It's name is LIFE
And Life contradicts love
Life means survival
Love means pain and suffering

Silhouette

Recovering, but......

Who is playing with my soul?
I thought i was dead
But who is is taking me out from my sleep?
First no existence
Then the spirit of a small child was taken
And all of a sudden a humanoid silhouette
The spirit looked baffled
Looking all around and searching for the meaning
Another spirit was taken and joined the first
It was of an old lady
But Not alone the two spirits were mixed
The ladies amazement was equal to the child
When you look to that silhouette
You see alternation between them
One moment the child is crying
Another you see the lady disoriented
A third spirit was added a rapist
Evil dripping from him even in the after life
And another, it was a fallen soldier
Roaring each time he came to view
And another a lady in red
And another, and another, and another ...
The mix was diabolic, but the spirits weren't
The alternating souls was like a window to hell
All of a sudden the silhouette was sent back to earth
And everyday I wake up with a face
Every moment another soul
This why I'm The ToubledSoul

Romatic Males

Please don't judge me.
Believe me it's harder to admit you were wrong again,
Than being wrong.

What are Romantic Males?
Well we are just a small faction
Just a few boys trying to be men
How do you distinguish us?
Well simple:
I saw you vulnerable
I exposed my weaknesses
So you may know that even men do cry
I saw you broken
I showed you my wounds
So you may know that you are normal
I saw you sporty
I laughed and giggled
So you may know that people like you that way
Great romantic story right?
Wait, look closely?
Ask yourself, and you did what?
You dumped me saying
You are weak
You have issues
You are not serious enough
OMG you did it again
You broke me, again
And left me worse than before
Don't tell me you'll heal
That's the worst urban lie I ever heard
Things are not getting better
Everyday is worst than the day before
I am afraid of the day of the breaking point
I just want to grow up forget everything about love
Just become another MAN god damn it
This is not a love poem
This is not a love mantra
It's just anger on a paper

I'm back

I'm sorry world but I'm back, :P
Let's see where it will lead me now.
Is it gona be another chapter in sorrow or just another Pazuzu mocking the pitifull humans :P

Death of a feeling

When a man dies
He disappears from the face of earth
All that remains from him
A fading memory in the minds of the people that knew him
A growing feeling of lose in their hearts
A simple cold tombstone reminding earth of his passage
The same goes with love
Love have died in my heart
All I wanted at first was to forget and overcome
Now I fight the fading of that memory
Trying to hold the last rope slipping from my hand quickly
I don't miss her anymore
But I miss the mutual attention
I miss loving and being loved
I miss caring
All is left of that dead love is just me

Palestinian hospitality

Let me show u the good hospitality recognition of the Palestinians.
Those people that didn't learn the first time (1975-1992) that lebanon is theres to play with.
But started again to burn Lebanon.

1. They stole a bank in northern Lebanon














2. They killed around 10 Lebanese army soldiers in cold blood (they dicapitulated them)











3. The army retaliated brutally































































4. The war on terror in Lebanon had a name war on "Fate7 el Islam" but what did the other Palestinians, they protested, against the people that gave them all, that sacrificed a country for them, look what the other Palestinian gangs did.

They protested












They Bombed our Malls





















They threatened the Lebanese Army
















5. For humanitarian reasons the army compromised a cease fire to remove the dead and the injured from the street so the Palestinians in the middle of the cease fire ceased control of a Mosque containing the red cross and the UN HQ's in the camp.






























That's why we love to hate the Palestinians.

Funny or not

Funny or not here it comes


Actually I don't get it, we pay billions for the awareness of the endangered species, and simply a well respected company like VolksWagen just symbolize the power of it's vehicle and space by putting an imprisoned or kidnapped elephant which is by no concept funny, I don't know correct me if I'm wrong

Two Gods

Sorry but this is something I keep repeating and visualizing in my mind, so why not share... :D

All though I believe in one God
But two invaded my beliefs
The first is the God of fire
Calling for revenge
Demanding action
Expecting revolt
The second is the God of wind
Calming my anger
Drawing stability
Establishing peace
Who will win?

Turn my back

Ok I know 10 days since my last post.
Well it's simple I was way too busy to post, (but not read my blogofriends posts :P )
And here is something I wrote, I hope it isn't too melancholic.....

The day has came
The day that I wished for
The day you say, let us be friends
The words are lost in their meanings
What is friendship?
Am I your friend?
The immortal feeling of love
Didn't die, but it have been subdued
I overcame the lose that overcame me
The sadness that consumed me
So when you called
I didn't know what to do
So when you asked for my friendship
I didn't know what to say
You asked for pressured relationship
I responded by an unconditional offer
But sorry sweet E
For I will not endure that pain again
I am a man, and my word is my obligation
I told you that I will never leave you alone
And I won't
I am a man, and I will not cry anymore
I told you that I worship your smile
And I will always do

In Black Again

Our liberator, the greatest party ever, the party that whatever he does is acceptable, and even divine, Hizbollah did it again.
Sorry I rarely talk in politics but this time will be an exception.
Again there holly war against the US and Israel have renewed.
In July 2006 they kidnapped two Israelian soldiers, with no war declaration.


Eldad Regev



Ehud Goldwass

Although they promised that they won't do anything stupid for summer, well they just destroyed my country.


But at least they were soldiers they knew the risks.
All I can say Is thanks to three great parts in the ME we are loosing our country (Hizbollah(Iran), Syria And Israel).
But now Hizbollah after the Two Israelian soldiers we are amazed of the new enemies of Hizbollah, now the Hizbollah has begun the elimination of his most dangerous enemies.
I will put a little bio on Hizbollahs newest accomplishments.


Ziad Ghandour


Ziad Ghandour Mom
Born In 1995, he was a student, the dangerous thing about him was that he is Sunni but supporting a Druze leader (he supports Jonblat) and he was just 12 years old.


Ziad Qabalan (on the right)
He is born 1982 (the same age as me) and has the same political point of view as Ziad Ghandour.

Well all I can say to Hizbollah, well thank you for destroying another dream of the youth. Thank you but no thank you, swear loyalty for Lebanon before Iran, for God sakes stop your sectarian propaganda.
Please Hassan Narallah go away, to Iran to Syria we don't give a damn, establish your utopic Islamic country there, kidnap and execute 12,15,25 years old (we know that they accept that sort of things there), but leave Lebanon for the ones that love him.


Thank You Hassan Nasrallah
Press

Microsoft Attack On Firefox

Microsoft has launched a massive attack on Firefox (the Best browser ever :P)Hehe, anyway I really encourage you to use Firefox. It's way better than the stupid IE :P

Sweet Love Story

A friend of mine sent me the sweetest love story ever:

This 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting.
When she went before the judge in Cincinnati he asked her, "What did you steal?"
She replied, "A can of peaches."

The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches
and she replied that she was hungry.
The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can.
She replied, "6."

The judge said, "Then I will give you 6 days in jail."

Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something.
The judge said, "What is it?"

The husband said, "She also stole a can of peas."

Tell me isn't it sweet :P

Tagged

Sorry But I was reluctant about what to post when i*maginate taged me (shut up I know I'm a week late) well I didn't know what to say (without loosing ALL my blog friends :S), but I finally decided to post it anyway.

1. I was drunk once for 6 days on a row (the good old days :D)
   
2. I still have all my GFs passwords (I did an excel sheet for it :P)
3. My first kiss was when I was 13 or 14 I don't remember (the girl forced me to kiss her :S)
4. I work in the media, considering the bad wages in Lebanon I'm very well paid, I got a raise of 20% after my first year, and I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEE my job.
5. This one is my biggest disgrace, I still eat my nails, and the ..... u don't want to know .... I'm a masochist... BTW: I regained this bad habit after my EX dumped me :(

Well I can't tag anyone (all the blogs I read have been tagged :P) there is just one Pazuzu :P I love that girl, if you read my blog, then you are taged b**** :P

TroubledSoul or a DumbSoul

Days have passed since I last posted, and the reason is very simple I was very confused what to write.
Well lets be simple, she left him (again) and was feeling very bad about that, as always I was the supportive friend.
Let me tell you one thing ones of the hardest things in life is to see the woman you love cry for another man.
And again she told me how wonderful I am, how good she feels when I'm around and blablabla.
But the only thing that prevents our comeback is the physical part, don't get her wrong, she's talking about kissing her, she said that she can't imagine kissing me.
I said, please fulfill my ego, and I kissed her from all my heart, my heart almost stopped, it was Sunday the 8th of April at 19:18.
Do you know what was her reaction, she said who am I kidding, it's you that I love...
So I felt WOW, OMG, YEY. Her color changed and she was acting like it was the greatest day of her life.
I asked her to get back together, she asked for two days, I promised her that she can have her time (yeah right).
On Monday I couldn't wait anymore so I called her at 18:18 well to my surprise, she said that she wants to spend sometime alone (great).
On Tuesday I tried my luck one more time, I called at 19:18, the same answer came again, and she offered to be my friend and support me like I did with her, my answer to that offer was, I was there for you cuz I love you and I can't see you hurt, why do u want to support me?
So I thanked her (again) and told her to forget my name (again)....
The questions are:

• Do I really want her back?
• Is she abusing me?
• Can I know she is suffering without helping her?
• Does she love me?
  
• Can I live with a person that doesn't love me?
• Am I a TroubledSoul or a DumbSoul?
  

Hard work

Hey well, I won't talk about my love life (or the lack of love life) to avoid the million scream from my dearest friends :P.....
But I'll Post some pictures that a colleague and a friend (a girl ooooooohhhh) took.
A little background:
I had spent 10:00 hours at work and I was terribly tired, and she came to see me, when she found me she STOLE my phone (well I was asleep, but I can't post the picture with my face in it....) and she took some pictures that she will use to blackmail me....

1- The WS was inactive.













2- Wherever I go there will be a mess













3- And again

Promise

Today was our last encounter, well she left him, and me, she said that she left him because of me, but she loves him, not me. Sweet E told me to make her love me, I know now, that she never understood that word.

I promise you that I will love
Another woman
I'm so tired of naming the worst feeling
I'm so exhausted of remembering you
You asked me to make you love me
I never imagined you stopped
The only thing I thought that will never change
Was your love to me
I promise that I will never hurt you
Anymore
I promise that you will never hurt me
Anymore

Souls Can Dance

Inspired by a movie I watched last night, and the unexpected
development in my life

My heart couldn't rest
Until I convinced him
That my E is dead
He wore the black dress
He cried secretly all day
He cried openly when I was his only crowd
He kept calling her name
Begging her to wake up
But E was dead
His morn seemed to be endless
Then the day came
When she woke up
Called him, and he didn't listen to me
His joy was indescribable
His prayers were answered
Sweet E was awake
But the but must exist
She couldn't remember him
She couldn't see who woke her up
Which is harder losing something?
Or knowing the place ignoring the way?
That second lose was too much him to bare
My exhausted heart died
Remember this day
The day that the living died
The day that the dead awoke

Sad weekend gets weird

Friday:
Ok now let's start, the normal depressed weekend lured in the horizon, then I had a call, it was her the sweet E:
Zou: Hey bannout (bannout=little girl)
E: Hi kifak (kifak=how are you)
Zou: Well I'm fine, never been better (lying of course)
E: Well at least one of us is good
Zou: What's wrong? Tell me maybe I can help.
E: Not on the phone, can I see you tomorow? (tomorow=saturday)
Zou: Well of course.
* A stupid chitchat came along the phone call, and she laughed a little, and we hung up.

Saturday:
I woke up veryyyy exited I canceled an early friend's appointment and met her, we talked about many things like how our relationship ended after 3.5 years for one single mistake, and she kept emphasizing that it wasn't the only mistake that "[{(WE)}]" weren't happy the last year or so (I didn't understand who she meant by the we. Anyway she refused to talk about SJ (prince charming), so I considered that she was happy with him.
But the most meaningful thing of that day was that when we were shopping (yeah I hate shopping, but it's the only excuse I find to spend some time with her), it was the first time (since the breakup 1 year ago), that she didn't block me, which means we held hands, I held her (passionately) and she welcomed that by returning the feeling, WOW I felt euphoria, I thought that my personal sexual troubles would fade (we will get back to that later).
Now the day happy ending, she told me that tomorrow she can't see me, cuz she have a date with him, I felt aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh boooooooom, like one falling from the sixth flour. But I believed that there was progress being made, so I'll bite on my wound.

Sunday:
Well the cursed day came sooner than expected, I was like a gargoyle in the house, then she called at 18:00 well no problem I can live with that, I decided I will give her the day to remember, she will remember this day as the day with me, not him, but when she piked me up, well I was really really petrified the thought that she was with him an hour earlier was killing me. So I told her I'm not feeling well at all from the hole situation and I want to go home, so I excused my self just under her house, and told her I was going home (I lied I couldn't leave that easily), so I went to one of our favorite spots, it's in Jbeil (Byblos), on the shore, I sat on a rock smoked a cigarette and cried bitterly....
After a few seconds I called her to tell her I don't want to hear from her anymore, I'm not her friend and I don't want her to be my friend, well that was my intention, but I chickened, I asked her if she was hungry, she said she can't leave home (due to parents) but invited me to come over and said that she knew that I haven't left.
This post is getting very long lets cut the crap.......
So we sat on the balcony and we talked as we used to do....
Listen to a few quotes that she said:

• What I can say to you, I can't say to him. ( For God sakes then why stay with him)
• Well I invested emotionally allot in him. ( More than 3.5 years?)
• He is your opposite, but that isn't that good. (Already commented on that)
• He will never reach the love you love me, the same goes to me. (Already commented on that)
• You hurt me in the past. ( WTF do you think you are doing now?)
• We can't get back, cuz I can't imagine you even kissing me. (OMG what am I doing here?)
• It's killing me seeing you hurt. (Do you worry that much of hurting him?)
• You are more than a girl can ever asks for. (But!?)

This is all I can remember, and again we agreed about meeting on monday morning, but if you think that what happened before hurts, well imagine monday morning, plain and simple, she called and said that she can't....
Anyway this was the last straw, no matter how much it hurts, but no more please....
I decided that never again I will run toward her, she knows my number, but this time.....I don't know what.......I simply don't know what........
I just pray, really pray and lent that she is always well, and that nobody hurts her.......

Now to the more urging topic mentioned by Jess in here, I swear to God that I was never gona talk about this subject, but how the hell did you knwo that I was on the sea shore, that I cried, and what she said? :P
But let me tell you one thing, I took this picture with my imate and it labeled it "200703251852_00392" which means I took it 25/03/2007 at 18:52...... I'm not lying you can check........I swear to God I'm not lying.......I'm getting chills up my spine...
This is the first time I say it, but now I realy believe in telepathy there is noooooo other explanation......
I think I'm in love.......again....... :D

What Makes Men Fall in Love?

Well I rarely read a full article in the press, usually I read a few lines and then dumb it. But this one, is so true and puts the finger on the right spots.
I dedicate it specially specially for S&D and i*maginate just to point to what guys are really like, and the ones she is stumbling upon are just some teenagers or immature (even old teenagers or immature) people.

Source

Here are some picked lines.

...I can tell you this definitively about men: When a man falls for a woman, he falls hard. Men love to be in love. While men often get stereotyped as single-minded sex-seekers, the truth is that a man's stomach churns like a slushy machine when he's in those initial stages of the perfect relationship.

Well yeah we love sex, but let's get real if we just need sex we will go to hookers, if we must fall let it be in love.

...About 60 percent of men deem friendship the most important thing in a relationship...

What can be better than living with your friend, a good laugh, a nice flirt, this is a trademark of friends.

...Many men say they like a woman who's immersed in something else other than the relationship -- be it her work, or her sport, or whatever her "thing" is. Why? The passion she shows for something else confirms her inherent goodness, her personal drive, her independence...

Well to an extent it's true, let us see that you are an equal, don't let us feel that you can't live without us...

...Even when they're with the most perfect woman, men still crave the occasional space to spend golfing or drinking or doing whatever (64 percent of men are happy to have the time to themselves when their wives or girlfriends have plans)...

Actually we love you more than life, but let us see what is life, to cherish you more...

...Men want to be with women who challenge them, who push them, and who take the lead some of the times. And that's as true in the bedroom as it is in planning their next weekend getaway. The danger? While it can be insanely attractive, that strut of confidence can also swing a man 180 degrees -- if she uses it in other places, like to flirt with other guys, to become a relationship dictator...

We need someone to take some decisions with us, but don't take the only lead don't forget that we exist in this relationship.

...guys will definitely take women who can warn us when our new soul patch looks stupid, who can guide us to the perfect suit and shirt combo for an upcoming job interview, who can help them make decisions without being harsh or judgmental...

What I quoted is 100% a mirror of my soul... I was shocked how some writer described... Men in love with stats (and I thought I was special :P)