Friday:
Ok now let's start, the normal depressed weekend lured in the horizon, then I had a call, it was her the sweet E:
Zou: Hey bannout (bannout=little girl)
E: Hi kifak (kifak=how are you)
Zou: Well I'm fine, never been better (lying of course)
E: Well at least one of us is good
Zou: What's wrong? Tell me maybe I can help.
E: Not on the phone, can I see you tomorow? (tomorow=saturday)
Zou: Well of course.
* A stupid chitchat came along the phone call, and she laughed a little, and we hung up.
Saturday:
I woke up veryyyy exited I canceled an early friend's appointment and met her, we talked about many things like how our relationship ended after 3.5 years for one single mistake, and she kept emphasizing that it wasn't the only mistake that "[{(WE)}]" weren't happy the last year or so (I didn't understand who she meant by the we. Anyway she refused to talk about SJ (prince charming), so I considered that she was happy with him.
But the most meaningful thing of that day was that when we were shopping (yeah I hate shopping, but it's the only excuse I find to spend some time with her), it was the first time (since the breakup 1 year ago), that she didn't block me, which means we held hands, I held her (passionately) and she welcomed that by returning the feeling, WOW I felt euphoria, I thought that my personal sexual troubles would fade (we will get back to that later).
Now the day happy ending, she told me that tomorrow she can't see me, cuz she have a date with him, I felt aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh boooooooom, like one falling from the sixth flour. But I believed that there was progress being made, so I'll bite on my wound.
Sunday:
Well the cursed day came sooner than expected, I was like a gargoyle in the house, then she called at 18:00 well no problem I can live with that, I decided I will give her the day to remember, she will remember this day as the day with me, not him, but when she piked me up, well I was really really petrified the thought that she was with him an hour earlier was killing me. So I told her I'm not feeling well at all from the hole situation and I want to go home, so I excused my self just under her house, and told her I was going home (I lied I couldn't leave that easily), so I went to one of our favorite spots, it's in Jbeil (Byblos), on the shore, I sat on a rock smoked a cigarette and cried bitterly....
After a few seconds I called her to tell her I don't want to hear from her anymore, I'm not her friend and I don't want her to be my friend, well that was my intention, but I chickened, I asked her if she was hungry, she said she can't leave home (due to parents) but invited me to come over and said that she knew that I haven't left.
This post is getting very long lets cut the crap.......
So we sat on the balcony and we talked as we used to do....
Listen to a few quotes that she said:
- What I can say to you, I can't say to him. ( For God sakes then why stay with him)
- Well I invested emotionally allot in him. ( More than 3.5 years?)
- He is your opposite, but that isn't that good. (Already commented on that)
- He will never reach the love you love me, the same goes to me. (Already commented on that)
- You hurt me in the past. ( WTF do you think you are doing now?)
- We can't get back, cuz I can't imagine you even kissing me. (OMG what am I doing here?)
- It's killing me seeing you hurt. (Do you worry that much of hurting him?)
- You are more than a girl can ever asks for. (But!?)
Anyway this was the last straw, no matter how much it hurts, but no more please....
I decided that never again I will run toward her, she knows my number, but this time.....I don't know what.......I simply don't know what........
I just pray, really pray and lent that she is always well, and that nobody hurts her.......
Now to the more urging topic mentioned by Jess in here, I swear to God that I was never gona talk about this subject, but how the hell did you knwo that I was on the sea shore, that I cried, and what she said? :P
But let me tell you one thing, I took this picture with my imate and it labeled it "200703251852_00392" which means I took it 25/03/2007 at 18:52...... I'm not lying you can check........I swear to God I'm not lying.......I'm getting chills up my spine...
This is the first time I say it, but now I realy believe in telepathy there is noooooo other explanation......
I think I'm in love.......again....... :D
8 comments:
That is kind of weird, the ocean thing.
btw, I think your ex is perhaps being unintentionally cruel in some ways. Keeping you around "Just in case" maybe. Sounds like a selfish "Have one's cake and eat it too" type thing.
oops, bet you don't use that in Lebanon do you :P
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Have_one's_cake_and_eat_it_too
nice One chris, i was gOnna say make her bed and lay On it tOO...but whatever u killed my mOjO!...Ok ezOu yOu need tO get a grip...i am a wOman (whO's alsO dating anOther wOman - im kidding!) and nO One can relate tO One better than its kind..i'm nOt saying i wOuld dO what she dOes and i hate tO say this but chris is right...she is being selfish...she keeps yOu arOund because yOu are her "just in case man"...
just incase:
-they break up yOu are her rebound
-they fight...yOu are the shOulder tO cry On
-he is nOt arOund and she's sad yOu are that guilty pleasure she OcassiOnally indulge hersel intO...and sO many Other reasOns that Only she knOws Of...
this wOman is fuckin viciOus (pardOn my french) and yOu are a hOpeless masochistic tOy!...i understand all that lOve bull shit yOu have already invested with that 3.5 years realtiOnship and yOu still can't get enOugh...but at the end Of the day...what else dO yOu have left?..hOw bOut lOving yOurself this time arOund instead Of deliberately inflicting pain in yOu?...yOu are sO lOst in that black hOle Of hOpe i think yOu like tO live there!...c'mOn...i gave yOu sO much mOre credit than that!...
and as fOr the "cOmfOrt in yOur strangeness" pOst...it did happen...all Of it...but nOt On that same day where yOu had this whOle shebang!...it happened 30th OctOber Of 2005...i wrOte it in my Other blOg and yesterday i saw it again....i thOught i'd pOst it here...and man did it create a chaOs Or what!..
Damn, I was getting, all those telepathy signals.....
I think I won't, not anymore, actually I hope I won't b there for her.......
jess, sorry for being a mojo killer! :P
But I'm glad you are being very blunt with Ezou! Women are much better at getting to the point with these subjects and their opinions carry much more weight in a guy's mind.
Who would Ezou be the most likely to listen to? An unusual Canadian guy or a hot Emerati babe? :P
*ezou This must be the first post ever that has brought near tears to my eyes. You write from the heart. Damn, I know she is close to your heart, from what you write, but from a female's point of view, it seems she is just taking advantage of you. It could also be she is realising you were the one she should have stayed with. Give her time. If you loved her, I'm sure her intentions are not bad. I do think, though, that you should stand up for urself and be tough. If she wants you, she will let you know. If she keeps you on the side and continues seeing you on the sidelines she is using you. I'm so happy you were strong in this matter. God bless you Ezou, good luck. If you were destined to be with someone who truly appreciated your values, they will show up ;)
chris...i'm gOnna break ur mOjO this time...i'm nOt an emarati...i am in the emirates but i'm frOm sOmewhere else...but i can assure u that i'm nOt frOm india!..lOl!
@i*maginate:
the dilema is killing me, I can't but answer, sometimes I don't care if she is using me I just want her to b near.
but sometimes my manhood awakes, and I don't want to b the spare tire...
Time will tell me.... I just don't know....
@Jess:
Well let's guess, I say you are Europian? am I near?
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