Missed calls

What do u think you'll miss after a break up?
Things that you never valued
Like the everyday pasionate kiss
Like the everyday first kiss
Like her genuine skin smell
Like the feeling on your lips after a kiss
Like the wetness in your mouth before a kiss
Like her phone calls, that just wana see if i'm OK
I ask myself every other minute
When did I get this much in love?
Was it when we were together?
Or when we broke up?
I feel that I don't need her anymore
But I need love, passion
I don't need her love anymore
Because no matter how much I love her
My love is and will hit a brick wall
She love's him, prince charming
If she thinks she loved me
And now she loves him
Then God be with her
She doesn't know what love is
She left, she got out of our future
She left the picture

Two brief moments

This weekend I managed to steal her
For two brief moments I succeeded
Two days were my brief moments
For two days, I would hear her whispering
In my ear before I wake up
For two days, I would hear her talking freely
To me, again about her, and her life
For two days, I rarely heard his name
No more SJ, no more them
For two days I remembered how it felt
To hear her say us again
To see her smile for me
To feel her presence beside me
Oh God I thought to myself
If this what you call friendship
I just want to be her friend
But after every dream there's a wake up call
But after every starry night there's a morning
And again I was hit by a small word
A word that brought me back to reality
How high I would climb
How hard I would try
She betrayed us
she loved someone else
She even told me
That she had plans with him for summer
Oh E, sweet E
Don't you know
How deep small words can go
They don't just pierce the heart
They can reach the dreams
And another time
My brief moments
Were shatered like a thrown mirror from the sixth floor
To hit the ground and shatter to a million piece
No matter how hard I try to summon them
All I have are shattered dreams

Free Kareem

I'm sorry but there's something more important that came to my view now, more important than my personal problems.
First I'm sorry that I'm a Middle Eastern, this is the first time I say it but now I'm sure of it.
When I was surfing a bit on the web, I stumbled on a strange title: "A blogger has been sentenced to three years for 'insulting' Islam and one year for 'insulting' President Mubarak".
Oh my god, not long ago, we heard people here in Lebanon swearing and cursing the Christ and the Cross, everyday we see people burning the star of David in Egypt, isn't Judaism a respected religion in Egypt.
I don't blame Islam, I blame Muslims, fanatics and stupids.
Do you call this respect: "Al Azhar allow enrolment of Coptic students under the condition that they memorise the Qur’an", this is stupid, shallow and lame propaganda, do you think the "Holy Qur'an" needs propaganda?
What do you think the lowest level of human beings would say? let me give you a hint: "I was hoping that he would get a harsher sentence because he presented to the world a bad image of Egypt. There are things that one should not talk about, like religion and politics. He should have got a 10-year sentence", does he believes what he is saying?

Lost Hope

One of many lost
One of my lost feelings
Hope is that feeling
What should I look for?
Meeting another girl?
How should I do that?
Whenever I look to a girl
I feel it's treason
For 3.5 years I was loyal
I couldn't even look to any other
How can I start now?
Can I start all over again?
Do I have to?
When you love someone
You can't pass that feeling
And move forward
Forward where?
I only have her in front of me
Forward where?
My future is drawn by our dreams
Forward where?
An this thought is still in my mind
The thought that this is a phase
That this is a test
A hard test
But we will pass
How can you pass?
When she tells you that
She never loved you
How can you pass?
When she tells you that
She loves her mate

Why not?

Am I depressed or desperate
After my previous knee problems
Today began my right arm
I can barely move it
And it's hurting me like hell
My head is buzzing with one question
Why not?
Why shouldn't I kill myself
The best thing that happened to me is dying
Even my memories can't compensate the loss
My memories are now a burning poison
And what do you think was the killer blow
She took my memories from me
She took the love within my heart from me
She told me tonight the lying truth
That she never loved me
Why Not?
My professional career is collapsing
Because all I think of is getting her back
All I can think of is I will get her back
That's what love is all about
Only death will get us apart
So why can't we be back?
If that wasn't love, what was it?
A big lie, was my life a big lie
But I swear, only death will separate us
I won't kill SJ, because it will turn him into a martyr
I won't kill E, because I love her more than anything else
I will kill myself, because I hate myself

Sin or Not

Every time God create a man
He takes a handful of soil
And as if he is kissing the unborn body
He blows life to the ashes
Then he puts his hand in the new born
And pump his small heart
Before removing his hand
He takes one of his ribs
And the child cries of pain and loss
Hastily God reassures him
Hush hush sweet soul
For this rib is yours
For you will breath to get it back
For you will breath her air
For she will breath yours
For you will feel her heart beat
For she will feel yours
In the divine moments of love
Then he gave life to the rib
And sent them each in it's path
He blessed them both and said
I separated you, but when it's time
You will be reunited
When the devil saw that the divine plan is almost fulfilled
He refused to accept his defeat
He took a handful of dirt
And blew in it fire and the semi-devil was born
The reborn devil didn't cry
But looked to his father with no goal
The devil told his child
I will deliver you from life's troubles
But claim me one soul
Cause him pain
Cause him agony
Make him a TroubledSoul
The son of the devil did as his father told him
He turned the angelic life
To a big lie
He turned truth
To a fake life
He turned the fiancés
To lost chances
Killing gods creations is a sin
But is it the same with SJ?

Forgive me

Please forgive me dear E
For my peace will be on your tears
Please forgive me dear E
For you have lost the friend I was
Please forgive me dear E
For I know I caused you pain
Please forgive me dear E
For I thought I will teach you a lesson
Please forgive me dear E
That I'm not half the man he is
Please forgive me dear E
For I'm not prince charming
Please forgive me dear E
For I love now more than before
Please forgive me dear E
For I'm no more than a soulless body
For I'm no more than a bodyless soul
For I'm no more than a TroubledSoul

Heart dance

Every time I see her number
My heart begins to dance in my chest
All my thoughts point to one thing
She left prince charming
And she wants Joseph
My heart crashes on the hard answer
No sweety, I didn't leave him
And I won't, in the near future
Oh my god my life is just
A roller coaster, I go up hanged
By my irrational hope
And I crash back on earth
When the thin lines
Are cut by all what I did to her
One of the million reasons that
There relation is surviving is my million mistakes
Mistakes that I never thought they will haunt me
Will haunt my thoughts
Oh Lord I pray she is happy
Oh Lord I wish I never met her
Oh Lord I pray for my death

Ashes to ashes

Ashes to ashes said the priest
As he drew the cross symbol on my forehead
Little he knows that I'm already ashes
Just the skiny remains of man
The fire that burned me
Is still under my skin
Nobody can see it
But it's consuming
The fading goodness in me
The far memory of hope in me
All I ask is to be free
Free of this pain
Back to peace

How long is eternity

How short is eternity for you
How did the forever turn to 6 weeks
You say you loved me
You say you got through
You say you love him
I wish I can believe that
But the love that fueled me
Is now fueling the fire inside me
I call for the power of love
The power that is torturing me now
To get you back to your senses
You told me you didn't forget
Then please stop this madness
The bigest sin
Isn't to withdraw from a mistake
It is to betray your heart
You used to call me my heart
Now you see me rottening
In the flams of darkness
Save your heart
Save truth
Save me
If you love him
Just admit that you never loved me
Love is forever
So either you love me
Or you love him

Roaming

I was a little boy in that time
Now I'm an old grumpy man
I was enthusiastic
Now I'll be lucky to keep my job
I had dreams
Now all I have is fading memories
I had imagination
Now all I have are shattered thoughts
I used to think that love lasts forever
Now I know that this love burning me inside out
I had her
Now she has prince charming
I used to live for E
Now I roam and wonder
Just trying to keep her pretty smile
Just trying to keep her pretty voice
Just trying to keep her pretty memory

7 vs 6

What was Gods greatest gifts to humanity?
One E
Two Es smile
Three Es kiss
Four goodnight kiss
Five the late night waking beside your loved one
Six the ability to love
Seven the ability to remember
And what did the devil create to retaliate?
One SJ
Two there disgusting relationship
Three the I have feelings for him word
Four the no more us word
Five the you are nit the one word
Six scotch whiskey to forget all this
I don't want to forget
She is my beginning
She is my half
She is the E in EZou

Lost Soul

Cry cry little Cupid
For your arrows hit the wrong guy
Laugh laugh satan
For you claimed another soul
Sing sing death sirens
For I will fulfill your expectations
Morn morn sweet Helen
For you have lost your son's life
For you have lost your son's soul

Fictional Life

I've lost hope
No more ways
No more feelings
So today will be the birthday
Of my fictional friends
Of my second life
That neither exist
Nor likely to exist
In that life I'll be
In that life I'll do
What I wasn't, what I didn't
With E
My friends will be what I missed
With E
I'll even have a girlfriend
That I wish will represent
To E what SJ represented to me
Will she be hurt?
I don't think so
If she will
Why is she still with him
I hope not
I don't want to hurt her anymore
I just her to get rid of that pity for me
I just want to tell her
That I have a life without her
Like her
I'm very happy without her
Like her
I'm not waiting her
Like her
That's why I called it a fictional life
That neither exist
Nor likely to exist

You won

Do you think you won?
You haven't
Do you think you are better than me?
You are
Do you think you have won her heart?
You have
Do you think I'm a looser?
I am
Do you think I'm desperate?
I am
Do you think I love her?
I do
Do you think you won?
You have
She called you baby
She cherished you
She dream of you
With you by her side
I can't exist
I don't exist
Not anymore
I deliver her to you
I beg you to take care of her
I Beg you not to hurt her
Oh prince charming these are your days
You are by her now
You throwed this TroubledSoul in the mayhem vortex

What is needed

I used to think that
All I need to get her back
Is to call her
Is to talk to her
Is to see her
Is to hold her
Is to kiss her
I never imagined that
Prince charming will influence all what she does
When I called her all she could think of
S is going to call
When I talked to her all she could think of
S and her talked on that subject
When I saw her all she could think of
S and her did this and that
When I held her all she could think of
S is the one now
When I asked her a last kiss all she could think of
She would never betray S
I see now that
I can never have her back
She forgot who I am
She betrayed what we have
She summoned a barrier between us
My only hope is for him to disappear
And I don't accept that
I won't pray for his death
But I pray for my relief
I pray for my death

Drunk love

Now I'm drunk
I wish I could stay like this
I've been drunk I've been high
But I wish I've never been in love
I love her so bad
That I wish I never met her
She is so beautiful
She is so kind
She is so funny
That I wish I never met her
I wish Vanghoug was blind
I wish Mozart was depth
I wish Einstein was dump
That I wish I never met her
I love her i'll always did
I love her i'll always do

The Cost

I will give her her chance,
I will pay for her happiness,
I love her, I always did, I'll always do.

Then the day came
He decided that he would give E
The peace and tranquility that she requested
He sweared he'll never call her again
That his mind will oppress his heart
If his heart bleeded to death
He won't hurt her
He will disappear
A month later she decided
To call the TroubledSoul just to say hi
And to burn his heart of her happiness
That happiness born from his pain
She called his mobile
A cold machine answered that the number is out of service
She called his parents house
Nobody answered
She thought that was weird
She called him at work
They told her that they didn't hear from him since one month or so
Then she called an old common friend
When she asked him
He struck her with a small question
Where have you been?
He had a heart attack
His brain failed to get enough oxygen
And he is paralyzed the neck down
So she got the details and to give him a friendly visit
When she arrived to the hospital
She saw him on the wheel chair
Laughing and a silhouette of a girl in front of him
Then she bent and kissed him on his mouth
She never saw a more pationate kiss
She never saw a more loving kiss
She advanced to her old lover
He greeted her in a very friendly manner
She looked at him he is in a terrible state
And he looks very happy
She asked him what happened
And he told her that the peace she enjoyed was too much for him to handle
So his heart stopped for a few seconds
And there he was
She told him that she is sorry
He answered don't be
At last he rediscovered love
She looked very confused
When she left him he could do whatever he wants
Now he is tied to this chair
How come that nurse loves him
He saw her confusion and cleared the dark cloud
He told her that the nurse
Loves him
And he loves her
And both of them each others love
And asked her kindly to leave him in his paradise
As he left her
No matter what is the cost he paid it
Now no matter what is the cost she can't kiss him

The fading light

Today my sources got me two writings,
I wish she reads them,
It may move a feeling or two,
I hope.
What do you think?

I refuse

I refuse to go into your game
Forgive me almighty God
For I go against your wishes
For I refuse this already planned game
For I want to kill the feeling inside
In front of you I rise and say
I rise and object
I rise and say it isn’t fair
Have mercy on us
You who is mercy
Spare me
For I can’t see him crying
I can’t know he is suffering
I refuse
I demand my right to back off
To kill the feeling inside
For I am afraid of hurting and of being hurt
I am a human

Game

All I know is that this is unfair
To love and leave
To go back again
And try it all again
From the beginning
Take all the taken chances
And risk it all again
Why almighty God
Why you tempt us
Why create us
When all our life
Will be wondering
And taking choices
Until the moment of your death
You are still worried about the right
What is the right?
Are we dolls ?
Why?
All we seek is to find the soul partner
That person who will make you happy
Even though life is all against you
Why feeling
Why loving
Why living
It is all agony
Mysterious game

R.I.P.

I'm officially destroyed,
That was my doing,
But don't blame me for trying.

Today was the last day of hope
Today is the first day in the rest of my life
Tonight I'll sleep hopeless
I wish I can say what I feel
She literally dumped me tonight
She openly said that he is the one
He is the one that she prefers
He is her priority now
And I am
I am nothing
I hope I'll die tonight
I wish for a swift kill
Why am I that stupid
Why do I keep trying
Is it hope
Nahhh
Is it love
Yeah
But it's my love to her
I see that there is no mirror in her
To return me my love
I'll wonder on my face
Till eternity
I may stop to love her someday
But never again I'll love another one
I had my share
I won't suffer again
She was the one
She is the one
And from now on
I will stay a one
A one man show in the battles of life
A TroubledSoul roaming this earth and the next looking for her shadow
For Eliana's perfume and shadow

Snake Skin

Day after day I feel how evil my core is, now I know his address his
friends, his major, just pray I won't do a foolish thing

Every snake has to drop her skin every once and a while
That's how I see the situation at hand
I feel I'm dropping the skin that I wore for three years
I'm getting back to my real me
I feel that my blood is boiling
I feel that my brain is corrupted
I see darkness engulfing me
My blood is turning from red to black
As if you have putten a drop of black ink in the clear water
The pain that I'm living has summoned the darkness
Residing in me, it rose to claim what is hers
I feel darkness invading me
I feel it in the air I exhale
I feel it in my veins
I will bye a gun
I will turn his shining white armor
To a bloody red carpet
And he will be the red carpet
That I will walk on in my wedding
My wedding to E
Oh the sweet E

Caring

Six days till the D Day,
will it be my first solo valentine.

Do you believe in second chances?
Well I don't anymore
Specially in relationships
I tried everything to get her back
I called her on her mobile
I called her home
I tried to arrange a date
I even promised her I'll be her pet for eternity
She have my mobile number
She have my phone number
She has my email
I gave her the address of this blog
And I told her to check every once and a while
Just to see if I'm still breathing
I believe, that if she cared
She would have tried
But she doesn't
She never did
Bombs were going on my home
And she didn't bother
She doesn't know my birthday
For God sake why did you say you love me
Whatever is my crime
Is my punishment just
When we broke up
I wanted you to learn
How hard it is to live without your lover
You said it was hard for you
For a couple of weeks
But what was your solution
To get another one
A better one
Let me tell you how I love you
I would pay any price to see you smile again
I would kill to kiss you one more time
I want to die beside you
I just want to see you asleep beside me
Wet eyes, shaking hands, swollen heart, aching bones
Sleepless nights, dreamless sleep, nightmares
When I'm not with you
That's how I feel
I wish you loved me
But you loved being with me
And now you're learning what is love
With prince charming
I pray that he doesn't hurt you
I hope, wish, pray for your happiness
Goodbye, good night

Night facts

I wish I could keep my promises,
I promised that I'll never call her anymore,
I promised that I'll be there for her,
I promised that I won't push her,
I wish I could keep my promises.

Yesterday I called her, I was half drunk
Today when I woke up I sweared
I sweared I will never call her again
No matter, how hard it is
I won't do it
Why? It's simple
I prefer being hurt on bleeding
I prefer sleeping late on not sleeping at all
I prefer to be scared of darkness on being invaded by it
Darkness for me is imagining she loves him
Invasion of darkness is hearing her say so
The last time we talked
She said that she had feelings for him
I thought of a million feeling
But not love
Now after a few days of pushing
She either discovered or admited that it's love
Can anyone love without forgeting?
Has she forgotten me, us?
How did she overcome our relation in a few days?
Day after day, my hard facts
Are shattering on their relation hard wall
Was our love that fragile?
Why ask the complicated questions
Did you love me E?
Do you love me E?
I didn't think so
When I wish u a happy life with him
I'm lying
When I hope you are happy
I'm lying
When I say i'm still your friend
I'm lying
But I'm not lying when I say
I'll be be always here for you
I love you

Black valentine

This is the first lonely valentine in my life,
this holiday never meant for me more than now,
so excuse me for the huge depression.

Today began the final countdown
But not for me
For him, for prince charming
For three years I have been the one
The one that gets excited
But now he's the one
The one that she will wish a loving lifetime
Not me, I'm left in the dust
I'm just left behind
With my nightmares
All I think of is
What will she say?
What will he answer?
What will he say?
What will she answer?
He took my excitation
And gave me anguish
Can anybody sleep with no hope
My nights are dreamless
But mornings are filled
They are filled with fragments
Fragments of nightmares
That I would kill for them to disapear
I would kill for getting killed
And throw her in a black valentine
But would she care?
Would anyone notice?

Pain

Do you think I loved her when I knew that I lost her,
actually no, I got scared when I knew that I lost her.

How much, is too much
How deep in love should I be
To be deeply in love
These days I can barely breath
I'm smoking like an old diesel car
My heart beats are getting hard to continue
I can't focus I jump from one idea to another
Today I was on the stairs talking to a friend
He was talking about his perfect relationship
When I felt a tremendous pain in my knee
All I remember was waking up
In a co-worker car
He drove me to a near hospital
They X-rayed my leg
But how wrong they were
As it turned out to be
The doctor said it was a direct result of stress
I wish they scanned my heart
They would have noticed
That I'm missing half of it's beats
Hell, I'm missing half of my heart
The pain is becoming unbelievable
I feel like a zombie
Whatever is the cost
I want to get to it's end
I wish I never loved
I would have never missed it that much

The first look

The first time she saw me that's what she said,
but left me a good man with ambition with a good job,
but the downfall is happening and fast.

Remember what was the first thing you said when you first saw me
I remember, you said what a homeless drunk bastard
You were right, that's who I was
Then the look grew, and evolved
For nine month we were friends
Then on wednesday the third of may 2003
I gathered my strength and guts and asked you out
For another three and a half years you shaped me
First I became a man
And then a better man
Even if I was reborn I can't be prince charming
But what now, what am I becoming
I saw myself going back in time
Now i'm almost a man
I rarely shave
My hair is long
I'm back to drinking
And the setback is devastating
Nothing is cheering me up anymore
I lost all my childhood friends
Because you asked me to set my priorities
Now there's nobody to talk to
Alcohol is my only friend now
But for how long?
And what's next?

Punishment

The snake in her pit doesn't deserve this punishment.
I never thought that he can steal my dreams, hopes and memories.

I have never seen prince charming
I have never seen his face
But now he has invaded my memories
Whenever I try to remember the good days
He is present
I see him caressing her hair
I see him holding her hand
I see him touching her lips
I see him kissing her
Please god make this stop
Now I lost my memories
All I have now
A fading memory of her smile
I used to say I'll kill for her smile
But I caused her pain
I replaced her smile with tears
And now she smiles for him
She's breathing his air
Oh god where did this diabolic punishment come from
Does anyone deserve this
Please oh great merciful god
Deliver me from this great agony

The wedding invitation

How bold can this invitation be, believe me i felt the lowest i can ever be, when she said don't you want to be invited to my wedding.

A few days ago she asked me
Wouldn't you want to get invited to my wedding?
Feelings of hatred, sorrow and nostalgia overwhelmed me
Now prince charming has stolen my dreams
Or did I give them to him on a silver plate
That was my dream
He took my fiancé, and now he's taking my goal
I felt like a small mushroom beside a huge oak tree
No matter how hard I tried
My legs are fixed in the durt
And his head touches the stars
She said it he is everything I wished in you
All I was a lover
And now he grabbed my lost chance
All I wanted from this break up
Was for her to realise what a special guy I was
All that I discovered
That angels would dance to see her smile
She is the special one
I'm nothing, and she paid a huge price for nothing
I'm just gods forsaken TroubledSoul

Remorse

I used to get angry of her when she used to tell me do that, and don't do that, but now my eyes are open that when she used to tell me that was out of her patience not insistence.

Why did she love me the first place
I'm not good looking
I'm not romantic
I'm not rich
I'm not even special
I never gave her roses
I never wrote her poems
I never thought that she loves me because she is a loving person
Now I'm history for her
Now prince charming is her present
The simple truth is killing me
I feel pain in my bones when I think
That if she gave a looser like me 3 and half years
What chance will I have to have her again in this lifetime 

Continue

Let me tell u how I asked her out 3/May/2003, after a week of hesitation I decided to tell her how I feel so when she asked me as a friend who is the one I secretly loved I told her that I'll give her 2 hints and if she knows I'll give her a present I told her that the first letter of my love's name is E and the second is ********(her last name).

A wise man once said
There is no soul mates
For everyone there's a million true love
After what I experience I say
I don't see a million potential mate
I see a million bump on the road
Wherever I look, I see her
When i'm on the road
I see a nice romantic couple
I hate myself
When I watch tv
I see a beautiful loving kiss
I hate myself
When I'm wearing my clothes
I remember each comment she gave me
I hate myself
When I look to the mirror
I imagine what could she say
I hate myself
The last time we talked
She told me to forget, forgive and continue
But my heart stopped beating
My mind halted
I am a prisoner of my hatred
I am a prisoner of my agony
I am a prisoner of my sorrow

To create or to destroy

What's the solution? Can anyone erase 3 and half years?
We were together since 3/May/2003 till 1/Dec/2006, and we destroyed them for pure greed.

Tonight I woke up in the middle of the night
But I wasn't asleep, I just was staring to the roof
I was thinking of the good days
When I was the one and the only one to call her baby
I remember that I used to think
That we have our bad times and our good times
But now I see that those were the good times
And now are the bad times
Every thing that she touched turned to gold
And now everything she miss is my misery
I had the goose of the golden eggs
But I slaughtered her
And now my only goal is to forget
To destroy my best days, my best memories
What have I done, what have I become
My dreams of waking in the middle of the night
Just to look to her sleeping
Just to kiss her
Have turned to nightmares
Of her waking up to tell him she loves him
What have I done
My goal of becoming a better man for her
Just so she could be proud of me
Just so she could look at me as prince charming
My goal is shattered on the hard reality
That he is prince charming without the effort
We spent 3 and half years together
I've lived for 3 and half years
Now I pay the price of those days
The blow that doesn't kill you will make you stronger
But that one killed me, i'm no longer the man I was
I'm just a TroubledSoul

Who am I

Tonight again I couldn't sleep until I wrote this, I cried for the life I lost for her boyfriend.
I also imagined I saw her 5 years or so from now, living our dreams.

I was walking a few days ago on the marina
Enjoying the nice breeze and the hot summer sun
Many were doing the same some young couples
And a few families, with there kids running freely
I envy those families, then my eyes were fixed
There was this couple a few feet from me
There was a kid running in front of them
And the man was embracing his mate
The woman was leaning on his shoulder
That was very romantic
Then the kid stopped to get some flowers
There I saw that he was a boy
His figure was angelic
Green eyes, blond hair, very pretty face
I could easily have mistaken him for the baby Jesus
I thought to myself, if I married this would have been my kid
Then the woman called the boy
I was choked I could have sweared that I know this voice
The couple arrived to a jeep and opened the door
When the woman turned a lightning struck me
She was my first love she was E
Did she recognize me?
She should, she sweared never to forget
How come she would forget
I wanted to scream it’s me ZouZou
But she looked indifferently to me
As if I was a total stranger
I was like a zombie as I passed by her
She was right I wasn’t ZouZou her love anymore
That man died, I wasn’t the man she sweared to love for eternity
When I was near their jeep the boy entered the car
As I passed her I smelled her special perfume
I was mesmerized, they started there car as if to flee me
I dropped to my knees, there I was in the middle of the street
On my knees I looked up to see her beautiful face in the jeep’s window
As they turned, she looked at me puzzled
All she saw was me
Not ZouZou just another TroubledSoul

Who is that?

The next day I remebered our ultimate goal was to wake up side by side,
So I immagined where will she be in 5 years, and what will she do.

I woke up at 3:00AM
I felt a warm body near me
I remember that I was dreaming
But what was that dream?
It was a sweet and peaceful one
It was my first kiss
Oh yeah that dream was a memory I had
It was my first kiss
My first love
My hand carressed my mate's shoulder
Then I carressed his hair
I felt a strange object in my hand
Oh, it's the wedding ring in my finger
Then my mate mumbled
What is it honey
To my choke I didn't recognize his voice
Then I heared a sharp cry
It was like a baby's cry
But I don't remember I have any
Then my mate furiously came up and said
What is it with u don't u hear the baby
Oh my God he isn't ZouZou
What have I done?
When did I loose him?

The creation

I couldn't sleep that night,
feeling sooooo hollow,
wondering why do people love the first place,
and what will happen to me,
how can I continue.

The angels praised the lord
And begged him not to create that new feeling
Why create a new name of pain
Why cause agony in the name of good
Why give the pity humans that power
The power to create and destroy
Then the allmighty hushed them all
And said I love humanity
I'll give them the power to love
They will love me and each other
And every human will love one special human
Then the days passed and god saw that this was good
And one day an angel came to god and pointed to one human
Her name was E
And the angel said how come this semi-angel loves two
The allmighty said I created
And gave the power to create
The creator of this scenario is my old servant
They once sweared that only death will separate them
So i'll take the life of one
That one will live in my kingdom
He will find the love he is seeking in my heart
But wich one my lord, asked the angel
The lord answered the one that doesn't have a place there anymore
I will take the TroubledSoul and call him Joseph

What if?

This was the first thing I wrote,
I wrote it after she told me she has strong feelings for her new boyfriend,
One month after we officialy broke up.

What if your competent is prince charming?
What if your ex is your only love?
What if your love is just a memory for her?
What if you gained everything and lost her?
What if everything you hated are now your best memories?
Why is it the sweetest word for you now isn't love?
Why is it the sweetest word for you now is suicide?
Why is that word the only word rebounding now in my lonelyness?
Why is that word my only goal?
Rest in peace dear soul for you have fulfilled your goal.
You have loved and you have been loved.

Why did i blog

I always hated blogs cuz I used to think that nobody reads them.  But I discovered how wrong I was when I found myself jumping from one blog to the other when my fiancé and I broke up. Anyway I read somewhere that the best way to overcome my crisis is write about it. When I did that I liked what I wrote, so I decided to blog it, I hope that I'll forget everything about this blog soon enough, cuz that will mean that I overcame my crisis.
I each post I'll put what I wrote and talk about my relationship, I beg you all to tell me what do you think.